( Will I excitedly stomp-dance and recite Molly Bloom's Soliloquy at a minivan while onlookers give me judgey side-eye? yes I will Yes.Collapse )
Or, alternately, 'Shit I Can Do On a First Date and Still Get Asked Out Again.'
Hopeful supplicant here with a question for you, internet genus loci:
Having no local equivalent of a Delphic oracle, I tried to replicate the experience in a half-assed modern DIY fashion with some shredded cheese that’s started squarely down the path of exploding with mold. Sadly, the vapors didn’t bring about any miraculous insight into anything other than the merits of a more exacting fridge purging schedule.( Raise your eyes. Return the stare.Collapse )
When visiting my elderly grandmother, there are naturally only so many viable activity choices. She’s 94, deaf as a haddock, slow as creeping Jesus, and rocking a case of ennui so acute that a legion of teen wannabe hipsters should be wearing American Apparel tees with her face on them. Eating with her can be arduous; if she is the one to prepare it, I need to channel Poirot so as to foil any potential latest attempt in her twenty-year quest of finding new and interesting ways of slipping meat into some aspect of the meal. To avoid these shenanigans, I typically choose to take her shopping. While many of the haunts on her Revere/Chelsea/Everett/Helheim circuit both confuse and frighten me, there is one that I look forward to in the same way that one (ok, namely myself) may guiltily anticipate peeling off a scab or excavating an ingrown nail.
Hysil Party Outlet is flawless. In addition to the legitimately good deals on a big array of perfectly normal party supplies, disposable tin baking pans, and holographic Catholic-themed stickers, Hysil is also where dodgy greeting cards go to suffer for their sins. Some of them are so confounding and troubling that I’ve started to wonder if the supply is curated by a Cenobite. So, while my grandmother spent over an hour pouring over assorted sparkly sheisse and miscellany, I decided to take some pictures of some of the more notable terrors.
( We have such sights to show you...Collapse )